Friday, October 17, 2008
I'm claiming the promise of healing for my husband.
Praise the LORD, O my soul;all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
I'm claiming the promise that I have no need to worry."Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, "
I'm claiming the promise that there is no need for fear.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I'm claiming the promise that God will meet our needs.But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
I'm claiming the blood of Christ to annoint and protect my family.For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.
And above all.....
Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Mathew 11:30 .Isaiah 26:3 says, "And You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." Fix your mind on Jesus in the midst of your problems. Lean hard on Him. Think only on that which is true and honorable and right (Phil. 4:8). Put your life in His hands, and trust Him with the results.
I am walking by faith today and pray I have the strength to do it again tomorrow.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Have a great day!
( Miss Kay, the watermark on this one was done using a program
called UMark Lite 1.1 and it's free on the web)
The watermark on this and the next were added using my Paint Shop Pro program.
I was sitting on thefront porch watching the fog roll in after we had
a little rain shower move through.
Monday, October 13, 2008
I’m enjoying the day but at the same time, I am feeling a bit…. How to describe it…antsy. I feel like I need to be out doing something. I feel like I am stuck . I need to do something with my mind today-or get out of this house and just live.
Jake and his little family are playing guitar hero and making lots of noise. Marty is watching some gangster series that used to be on HBO. I’m not into either of those things. Feeling like there is something I should be doing and not able to do it. Does that make sense? I LOVE being home. Don’t get me wrong. I hate going out and doing a lot of running on Sunday’s because I love the lazy feeling and resting up before it’s back to the grindstone on Monday. Not wanting the weekend to end.
Is it the cleanse causing this or maybe my determination to fix the depression that is holding me down? It’s not a feeling of running away—just of one where I want to do SOMETHING.
My quilting stuff is in the same room Marty is watching tv in so, there’s no chance of running the sewing machine. My next project is another jean rag quilt—it’s better done by machine and not hand piecing. The squares are already cut. I’m all out of yarn to crochet. I don’t think I could concentrate long enough on the cross stitch. It would take sitting still too long- and all that counting. No I can’t focus long enough for that.
Hmm…. Maybe God is calling me and stiring my soul. I’m not sure what it is, but something is up. I’m not usually like this. I tried sitting with a book, but I can’t get my mind to focus on the words and really understand anything I’ve just read.
Part of me wants to go to Wally-world and find a good dancing type of exercise dvd. I’ve got some that are for weight lifting and toning, but I feel the need for something fun that I can do in the wee hours of the morning before I go to work. What better way to start the physical aspects of my day than by dancing. I love to dance and haven’t done it for years and years. I need fun, not strict repetitive sets.
So, what is causing this unrest in me?
One thing I have found today though. My stress eating has calmed way down. I bought lots of fresh broccoli, cauliflower, celery and carrots. I made the "onion onion" dip from pampered chef and have a plate of it sitting on the counter. When I feel the urge, I grab something from that plate. I’m not needing to have something in my mouth 24/7 today. I feel full and satisfied. Is that another reason for the antsy feeling? Nothing to do with my hands… my hands not stuffing my face. Hmmm… something to think about.
He still suffers from bouts of naseau, but those are fewer and farther between.
The weather was wonderful so we took a short drive to view the changing leaves and stopped at a flea market along the way. We picked up a highchair for the little bundle so the collection is growing. I forgot my camera and my phone so no pics.
There is a pond at the lodge where the flea market is held. Two beautiful white swans were wading in it. You could tell they meant a lot to each other by the way they stuck so close and entwined their necks as if to give each other a hug. Very cool.
Have you found your joyful noise for today?
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Day two of the Journey. I was a little nervous about beginning the cleanse yesterday. I had no idea how it would effect my body. So far so good. I didn’t have to run anywhere—if you know what I mean. I’ve begun to experience little twinges here and there. Nothing totally out of the norm. I guess you kinda get used to “feeling” a certain way. I’m curious to see if it does make a difference in how I feel after the fact.
I obtained a copy of the book “ Faithfully Fit” by Claire Cloninger & Laura Barr. It is a 40-day devotional plan to end the yo-yo lifestyle of chronic dieting. So perhaps that will help with the mental overhauling I need to do as well, or give me a jump start. I haven’t started it yet. I’m hoping my sister will be my buddy while doing it.
I know I need to find another outlet for my stress. I eat all the time… not exactly all the time—but nitpick at food more than I should. I know I’m not hungry. But, when I get that certain nervous feeling, I start nibbling. It seems to ease the emotional pains. It’s also an addiction.
Funny thing about addictions. You can get help for most all of them. Except your addiction to food. You can live without alcohol…live without drugs. But, you can’t live without food. So, when you are addicted to it –for that feel good feeling—how do you stop?
It’s mindless eating. You really aren’t even aware that you are doing it. It’s like grabbing that cigarette. It’s just something that you do. It calms you.
Why am I stressed? Family issues- emotional and health related. My husband’s diagnosis set off a huge train reaction inside me. No, it’s not what caused me to gain weight. I’ve been struggling with that for my entire life. It’s what started the stress eating and that day was the day I lost the joyful zest I used to have for life.
Depression and fear took over my life.
The day the music died…. Current mood: empty
The day the music died….
Music is a very powerful tool. It can be used to make a person feel quiet and restful, thoughtful…at peace. It can be used to inspire and empower. It can woo a loved one and bring two people closer than they ever thought possible. It is full of emotion. Music is a very powerful way to worship the Lord. Music was how I said my soul survived. It was a part of me. It was how God spoke to me. My heart sang constantly. I sang constantly. The joy it brought me flowed through every aspect of my life.
Then on August 6, 2006 the music in my soul died. That’s the day my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. That’s the day my heart stopped singing. That’s when I stopped singing. I took the strings off my guitar and sold my keyboard.
It’s very hard to turn on a country radio station without hearing of loss.—“ Live Like You Were Dying” “ If I die before I wake—Feed Jake” “ Will you go with me” It seems like most songs today are filled with loss and grief.
It’s very hard to listen to music without it ripping my heart apart. There is an extreme sadness where joy once overflowed. Praise and worship songs very rarely pass my lips.
When I took my current job, my friend Barb always wanted to listen to talk radio. I always had music on. Music filled me. It always played whether riding in the car, at home or at work on the pc. Now Barb listens to music and I listen to talk radio.
It’s just not in me anymore….
Yeah, it still feels like that, but it’s getting better. I am slowly beginning to listen to music a bit more. I’m still choosey and have my finger ready to shut off the radio the minute a song comes on that will rip my heart out. I’ve come to recognize some of those by the very first chord played. I guess I’m improving there. So, perhaps there truly is hope for my mental makeover.
I guess I should go take a look at that book now.
Physically- I am about 100 lbs overweight. I weighed myself a little bit ago YIKES…but you know, it’s not the most I’ve ever weighed either.
Today is the start of a new journey because I went to a health food type store and talked with the nutritionalist there. She told me before I try to do anything I needed to cleanse my body. This would help clean my blood and organs so that my struggle will be easier to overcome.
I have high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, thyroid issues, rosacea, high cholesterol and gall bladder issues. All of which I am supposed to be taking medication for. ( read that, supposed to …)That on top of being overweight—I also have a lot of stress in my life. She told me that parasites and other ickys are more than likely the cause of a lot of my problems. The stress is the rest. So, today I started the cleanse.
Once a day I will drink a TBS. of Pura Cleanse with juice or water. I was told that I could loose 5 lbs very quickly depending on the amount of “stuff” packed in my colon. My liver is hording nasty little critters and who knows what else is lurking in there. Skeptic? Yes part of me is very skeptic. Part of me feels what the hell go ahead and try it. I’ve fallen for scams before. So, why not give it a go? This is supposed to be a gentle cleanse as I’m just a beginner.
I was told that when your liver has issues, it causes a lot of other problems- like the rosacea, and it is also tied into the diabetic issues. My Dr. told me many moons ago that I had liver issues, but they could never figure out what was causing it. Perhaps the ickys don't show up in bloodwork? What I'm thinking is that there could be some basis behind what the nutritionalist has said.
So, wish me luck…
Friday, October 10, 2008
So, I've been pondering that little sentence. When you have gone for a really long time living life in what feels like a joyless adventure you begin wondering what Joy actually is. I've found, that when I started writing my feelings down, a lot of them were full of doom and gloom. Sadness prevailed. Well, that's what I was living- am still living. When there is very little joy and only sadness, it's hard to come up with fun things to say. I made a vow to myself to only write about the good things. Well, I haven't written much lately, can you tell?
How do you make a joyful noise when you are struggling to find the joy to begin with?
There are thousands of little "Joy Buzzers" happening around us all the time. Do we see them or listen to them?
What one person sees as devastation, another sees as a miracle. Take rain for instance-- It can be a real buzz kill for sure, but not having it could be a lot worse. The rain is still the rain. It's just how we see it at the time.-- Our circumstances at that moment in our life. I'm not talking about hurricane force gales-- just ... rain. Simply ask a farmer what I'm talking about,and they can show you just by taking a walk in a field. --Bountiful blessings or devastation.
Well anyway...back to finding the joy in the journey. Maybe if I truly start looking for the joy instead of letting it pass me by, I'll be a happier person.
So, I'm going to attempt to find the one thing each day that will help me make a joyful noise and make my journey through life a little happier.
There is joy in the journey if you just let it find you.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
I never would have dreamt that at age 45 I would be in bed by 8 pm. Am I getting old or what??!!! I used to be the after midnight girl that had to stay up until I could get tired enough to fall asleep. Then again I wasn't getting up at 4:30am to be at work by 5:30 either. Times sure have changed.
So, tell me, what do you do to beat the winter time no sunshine doldrums. I feel myself falling into it a lot earlier this year. Hate to think what January is going to feel like. And such the shame there can be no tanning beds to get me through this winter. Blah...
My pillow is calling me.... have a nice sweet dream filled night friends!
Friday, October 3, 2008
I know I look really tired and old . I was having a rough week.... HA HA
Cleaned it up.....
And the final result looks like this...